Tuesday, September 15, 2009

...Over and Over...

I know this may seem bad, but I couldn't wait to get Gabe down for his nap so I could get on here and type away! You see, I can't type while he is awake... he is constantly wanting to see what is going on, what I'm doing... he wants to touch EVERYTHING... he is very curious and I LOVE this about him- until it comes to me getting on the computer!
I wanted to "vent" I guess and what better place than my own blog... that's what people use them for usually; although mine started just so I could upload pics and videos much easier and faster than facebook (plus I could talk about my little man more!) So anyways, here it goes:

Yesterday I ended my blog to clean house and made a comment that "it never ends"... today has hit me like a ton of bricks that THIS IS MY LIFE
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my life. I couldn't ask for anything better than to be able to stay at home with my child and we still live comfortably with all the things we need, plus we get little extras. My husband supports us wonderfully and I must say he is an amazing father. I'm not 'complaining' really... just (sigh) I guess telling myself this is it! haha! I dont know! Ok, so yesterday morning I write a list of things I would like to get done that day- did them all. I like this list thing because I see it there and know "You need to do this Merideth" rather than just saying it in the morning and then having the excuse that no one knows that I wanted to do that, but didn't and sat around instead. Alright, list done. What I didn't put on the list was all the other things that I do everyday. You know, the playing with Gabe (I love this so its not a chore), bathing Gabe, feeding Gabe, taking care of Mac... can be a chore sometimes!, cooking supper- let me stop right here. Supper last night was AWFUL! I guess this is what set it off- the list done, supper and everything else not on it, and yet I screw it up... major. It was one of the most simple recipes you can do, chicken pot pie... somehow, mine was a runny mess of just yuck! I was ill to begin with because Gabe hadn't eaten much lunch and with the Dr saying he is under weight when he doesn't eat I get nervous (I know I shouldn't, he's not going to starve himself and he's teething... I know these things, but it still gets the best of me). So Gabe not eating... try to get him to eat the chicken "slime" pie... of course no. I must stop and say though, that my wonderful husband did eat a whole helping and tried to compliment me by saying "Once you get past the runny it isn't so bad"... he is great! (he usually eats most of what I cook and last tonight he ate just that one helping! that's how bad it was!) So I threw the rest away... while I was doing this I was thinking, "gosh all those people with no food and I'm throwing it out because its runny"... yeah well at that point I didn't care!
So the day is over, I take a break... finally. This morning, same as always, alarm goes off at 6:30... then again at 6:40 (Seth never gets up the first time... always wants the 10 min. snooze) ... I lay awake most days, trying to get back to sleep until he leaves at 7:15... most of the time Gabe gets up around this time, sometimes I'm lucky and get another hour before he does- today was not my lucky day! So we do our usual routine in the morning with getting up, getting fed (and sometimes like this morning a bath because he's wet from the night; he likes these!) Today, top of my list was grocery shopping, as I'm sure every other military family because today was payday... so we go early in the morning. I need to go to the bank first so we run by and what do you know, they're closed! What kind of bank doesn't open til 10... maybe all of them don't, but I think thats crazy! This isn't just a bank, its in a shopping center so I can't pull up to the front and there are other cars for other stores (not that I knew this) so I get Gabe out of the carseat walk close to it and I see the sign... grrr, now we go back to the car, fight the carseat and off to the store. No complaints about the shopping trip, Gabe was wonderful and we got through fine without any delay. When we get home its the job of carrying everything in. I've learned to keep Gabe in the car (doors open of course and I"m just leaving the bags at the front door) and Mac in his cage so I can get everything indoors and then start the process of fighting kid for bags and groceries! (kinda funny at times) I put Gabe to bed, look around at the house and check in my head what all needs to be picked up or cleaned and I get overwhelmed!! Isn't this exactly what I did yesterday???? Didn't I just vacuum and sweep? Gosh, the dishes in the sink... I just loaded the dishwasher... clothes ... didn't I just wash the other day? This is my life now. Dishes, clothes, dirt!, shoes... TOYS... over and over again. How do you mothers who work all day come home and do this?? I respect you all and wonder what in the world I'm going to do when I start school in January... is the house going to be a mess? Are we going to have clothes clean at all? I sat down on the couch, in the picked up living room, quiet living room! and thought... what needs to be done next?....
Like I said at the beginning, I do love my life. I love my husband and my child. I love the house and I love staying home, but it just hit me that I'm grown... I"m the one that has to clean and cook and take care of EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING! I've always wanted this... I prayed for it. I got it.


  1. Hey girl!! I am so with you on the whole cleaning, washing clothes, feeding, nap...it never ends part. Don't feel bad at all. Women are strong and can handle a lot but we get tired and worn out just like our "big strong men" do. Plus, I can tell you that there is no way in this world that MY husband won't get ANYTHING other than dishes done if he keeps Avery all day. But I have learned with having all these wife and motherly duties along with school and family responsibilities to juggle that sometimes you just have to lower your expectations. (especially having one due in 3 weeks). It gets overwhelming having to study and make dinner and keep Avery out of everything and keep the house relatively clean. BUT it is possible. Major time management and don't be afraid to recruit some help from dear old DAD. I know he works all day and is tired and wants to just play with baby all night but two hands can really make a difference!! I study when Avery is asleep and when she gets in "independent mode" and doesn't want to be bothered. (Thank God for this)I usually do clothes at night and get Mike to help me fold them and put them away (most of them are his). The biggest thing is that I do all my "deep" cleaning like the bathrooms, mopping, and scrubbing the kitchen really good for Sat morning after breakfast. I either have Mike play with Avery so I can do it or we both pitch in and get it done twice as fast and both keep our eyes on her as we go. It makes it a lot easier on us. The daily stuff like vacuuming, sweeping, keeping the dishes cleared away, and cleaning up toys is the pain. I usually wait til Avery goes to bed to pick up her toys because she is always in them right after I pick them up. And the other stuff I just do throughout the day as I get a few minutes. No one expects you to be able to keep your house spotless and take care of your baby and cook. There aren't enough hours in the day. When do you get to rest? When do you get to sit down for 30 minutes to watch something on TV or take a nap? Hey we need rest too!! And sometimes if I have a test to study for or midterms then I only do one thing a day. I usually keep the living room clean, but the kitchen and bedrooms and other stuff I just do one area a day so that bu Fri its all clean and I'm not racking my brain trying to figure out how I'm going to get it all done. Hang in there, sweetie. It gets better the older and more independent they get, and no one blames you for feeling overwhelmed. Hello...who else could do what we do..NO ONE..and the ones that can are WAY too expensive. hehe!! Hope this makes you feel at least a little better. Have a great weekend and get some rest!! You deserve it!! Love you!!

  2. Well, thank you Bethany! I just had one of those days! I've been doing the one room a day and that has helped. Gabe is getting more independent, but not for too long because he really wants to read (this I love!) I complain, when in reality I've been to some home that aren't near as clean or kept up... I do just hold too high of expectations!

  3. That's awesome that he wants to read!! Avery just wants to turn the page. She doesn't care if you talk or not!! haha!! Glad your week went great and I love the new pics of your sweetie!! Can't wait to see you guys again. When are you coming back to Bama? I would love to come home and maybe grab some lunch and catch up. Its been way too long!!